Some things are better said through a writing than any other platform of communication. I never thought it will all be this way when I know that this person matters the most to me. A sleepless night I had, from feeling unwell to the things she said to me. Everything seems to flash past me as though I have recorded it in a video recorder. It is played in a sequence of a happy moment and an unhappy moment continuously. She asked me not to lie to myself, come to think of it I’ve never lied to myself nor have I lied to her or playing with her emotions. I can’t describe how I feel now, this is a feeling that I’ve never felt before. Probably I’ll be able to come out with a new word for dictionaries for this feeling.

Time, people take time preciously as if they can’t live even if they were to lose a single minute. I cherish our moments together, how I wish if time can be frozen or at least slow time down just for a day and allow me to be spending time with her like there is no tomorrow? I’ve never blamed her even if I lost like an hour or so, just as long as she showed up, what else matters even if she is late? When she is late, she will seem unhappy but I really never thought of anything else other than to continue the day with her being by her side. I do compare but I compare just for a very short moment and I’ll continue to live life without needing to care what had happened previously. When I’ve thought of it and have accepted and overcome it, that particular thing won’t be my concern anymore.

She asked me to put a thinking hat on me and think what love really is. Love; loyalty, obsession, vows, endless. Sort of for me. To me, love is a feeling that can’t be controlled and when this feeling hits someone, that someone will definitely fall “sick”. Nobody else will be inside that person, not even a split second. Flaws are found on me almost from every angle and aspect. I can never be a good other half of her, this I know. I accept every single downside of me and I do know that she isn’t happy with me anymore. She said I prioritize another girl first then only it would be her, maybe from others’ point of view, it looks as though I do prioritize but to me, deep down inside me there’s only one person that I keep and I wouldn’t even allow anyone else to enter. I don’t take love as a complicated matter, I make it straightforward and when I know the one I love is the only one I want to be with from now onwards, I won’t change. She asked me if I would do the same to her from what had happened in my past, I know I’m not and won’t be the same as last time. I’ve never stopped learning and trying to understand every single thing that happened. Take this time to really see everything that I mentioned. She is not just another person in my life, she is someone to me.

You probably know who I’m referring to even if I’m using the word ’she’ and ‘her’. I love you, Yong Seow Li.